It wasn't me: God & Blame.

Well, that’s it. After 2 years of writing this blog the inevitable has happened and I’m powerless to prevent it.

I’ve got writers block.

I’ve sat here and I’ve sat here and I’ve continued to sit here and I can’t think of a single thing to write. And when I’ve done that I’ve sat somewhere else and still nothing comes. I’ve been out for walks, done headstands, eaten fish, eggs, deep fried wichety grubs, and even shredded wheat and still not a single pertinent thought has entered my head. I’ve asked people what they think, read many internet articles and walked past the library several times and I can only conclude that you’re going to have to get on without a blog this month and hope my writers block clears before next month.

Please contain your disappointment. It’s really not my fault. I’ve done everything I can to resolve the situation, but it has occurred. I blame Will. He takes the minutes at our café sundae meetings, so it was him who minuted that we wouldn’t have a café sundae in April. That’s got me out of the routine of writing the blog, and now I can’t seem to get back into it.

Actually. Come to think of it Helen shares some responsibility for my lack of writing as well. Over our month off she’s made me enjoy myself and do fun stuff, which means I haven’t been thinking things through as much as usual and it seems I have difficulty turning my brain back on. And she’s washed my blog jumper.

Speaking of brains I blame Mr Tetley, Mr Theakston, and Mr Guinness. Over the last 20 years I have enjoyed their delicious brews on several occasions. They make them so moreish. But medical science suggests that over-indulgence in these fabulous fermented fluids can lead to destruction of brain cells, so if they had made their products less appetizing I’d still have more of my faculties and I wouldn’t have this writer’s block now.

And while we’re about it, it’s your fault too. All you who come to café sundae or read the blog online – and especially you who comment! You’ve told me how much you enjoy my prattlings and that has lead to pressure being put on me to up the ante every time. The pressure to keep the blogs at a high standard has surely lead to writers block with the fear that at sometime I won’t hit the mark.

So over the next weeks I’m going to try to search for a compensation lawyer that doesn’t make me dry heave too much and sue the pants off everyone who has contributed to my problem. It may seem quite extreme, but I think it’s for the best.

Even though I’m expecting a six-figure settlement I’m not doing it for the money, I’m doing it because I think you all need to realise what you’ve done to me, and if my problem is highlighted it may prevent it happening to someone else. I’ve thought about my course of action long and hard, and I believe it’s the only option open to me. I don’t want to be seen adding to the problems caused by our claims culture, but I have a more genuine case than a lot of those people who sue at the drop of a hat - all those smokers who sue the tobacco companies, or the obese people who sue fast food companies for example. And what about that bloke a couple of years ago who ran over a boy on his bike, then sued him for denting his BMW. People like that seem to be just out for what they can get for themselves ready to blame other people for their mistakes and offload their responsibility onto others regardless of the consequences for whoever they sue. A lot of people who sue don’t realise that they often make the problem worse – for example there has been a rise in the number of people suing their local councils when they’ve tripped on an uneven footpath. Do they not realise that when they receive a settlement it comes out of the council’s purse and then the council has less money to spend on improving the quality of footpaths?

I also think that people do genuinely have difficulty accepting that they have made mistakes. People’s egos don’t allow them to be anything but perfect, so any mistakes must therefore be someone else’s fault. Suing successfully proves they’re right, formalises the process of absolving themselves and keeps their self-image intact. It’s an attractive proposition. I’m positive I don’t fall into this trap as Helen is always pointing out my flaws so I know I’m not perfect.

What needs to happen is for people to take responsibility for their own actions and the consequences they bring about. To stop trying to use litigation to solve what they perceive as their problems. People need to work together in community rather than against each other. They need to stop looking only at number 1, and realise their place in a wider society in which everyone has needs and problems and only a finite amount of resources to go round. We need to work together to solve everyone’s problems, not against each other to sort out only our own.

And so to teach you this important lesson, you’ll be hearing from my solicitors very soon.